So what did you find out about yourself? How many things do you do each day or week that you truly don’t like? Seeing those things listed on a piece of paper means you know exactly what to start eliminating. And once those things that make you unhappy are eliminated, you can start filling the empty space with the things you truly desire.

Finding harmony

Now that you have eliminated what you don’t want, it’s time to focus on the things that you have dreamed about. When you go after the things you truly desire, you are putting your inner wealth at the center of your life. And once your actions are in line with that inner wealth, you are living harmoniously.

Living in harmony with your inner wealth means that you have accepted your current reality. When you get an uneasy feeling, you know that something isn’t aligned between your life’s purpose and your actions. Finding that harmony between your actions, intentions, emotions and reality makes going with the flow of your daily life easier because you’ll know what next step to take.

So often, people are fearful of taking the road less traveled; but when you listen to your gut and are aligned with your heart space, you really have nothing to fear. That’s why finding that harmony and living harmoniously every day is the key to inner wealth and true happiness.

Action step

I believe that inner healing leads to outer health; to be on the road to healing, you must also be on the road to harmonious life. When you embrace inner peace and harmony, you allow your authentic self to shine to the world.

You wrote down the things you didn’t like last week because you wanted to live the life created specifically for you. This week (and for the next ones coming – this is an ongoing process), write down who you think you are. Are you an innovator? A teacher or a student? How about patient? Trusting? Open and giving?

If this feels clouded or gray to you, think back to when you were a child – what made you giggle? What did you want to be when you grew up? Tap into your Authentic Self.

There is only one rule to this exercise – focus on who you feel you are; each word you write will help you live a life of true harmony.

Questioning our choices during rocky periods is pretty normal for most people. We look at the things we’ve done in some or all of the areas in our lives, and we second guess the steps we’ve taken. Did we build the right career in our work life? Are we spending too much time worrying about relationships in our personal life? Will the economic instability affect our family life negatively? Is our financial life going to suffer because of the disorder happening in the other areas of our lives?

Finding ourselves in undesirable situations leaves us with two options: thinking “what if?” or changing our perspective. Instead of seeking out peace of mind in changing all-things exterior, look within. When we look to others for the roadmap to living our lives, we make things more complicated. Outside fixes cloud and confuse us, making the life path made specifically for us much harder to see.

Getting caught up in the outside things you can’t control can affect you deeply. Allowing what your parents think, what your kids want or what your siblings say to make your decisions is putting them in the driver’s seat of your life. To live your own life , you must first stop jumping on other people’s paths and then focus on the one crafted just for you.

Action step

Whose life are you living? Whose path are you walking on? If you’re not sure, that’s ok. Spend this week sorting out your actions from your true intentions. If you’re doing things that aren’t tapping into your heart space, why are you doing them?

Take a look at the things you do that are not fulfilling you. After you list those actions on paper, eliminate one of them this week. Replace it with something that’s more in line with your ideal life. Live the life of your dreams -  walk on the path made just for you – not anyone else’s.

Since so many people seem to flounder in their “new selves” before the month is out, it’s safe to say that there’s a flaw in the system. It’s difficult to change hard-wired habits. Just because our eyes see 1-1 on a calendar and our minds know that this is an opportunity to make some big leap, our instincts don’t always get the message.

I’ve given you seven ideas to focus on for 2012, and we’ll spend the next twelve months diving deeper into each one. First, though, it’s a good idea to ask yourself what your goals really are. Before you ask for that raise, buy that dream home, lose those 15 pounds or start that business, you need to know what it is you are truly after.

What do you really want?

It’s easy to take a physical inventory of the things in your life right now. You’ve got “X” amount in the bank. You have a job you like. And you like where you live. But you’d like to travel more, have more freedom to create new products/services at work, and you want to lose a few pounds for beach season.

So you set your goals to get all of those things done. And you start making changes (usually, a lot of changes) so you can check that promotion, weight loss, or new car paid for in cash off of your list. But the motivation fades and the desire to go back to what’s comfortable overrides the one to change in the first place.

You may begin to make rationalizations about the things you were doing before. Your job isn’t that bad, and eventually your boss will give you that promotion.

Sound familiar?

This time around, I want to help you reach those goals you set for this year: your best year ever!! So instead of jumping head-first into this new you, take a moment and figure out what you really want. In order to get that long-term change you desire, you’ve got to take some time and figure that out. Remember, New Year’s resolutions start from within. Before you can begin to fix the outside as well as the inside, you need to first get down to the things you actually want.

Your action step

This week, think about the things you resolved to change or improve in 2012. Write them down on a piece of paper. Then, go deeper. Find the root of those desires. Is it to be happier? To have more freedom? To be healthier? Getting to the core of what really want is where long-term change truly begins.

Yet so many of us fall off the wagon and go back to what we did in years past.  But not in 2012! This year, I want you to focus on the positive things in your life. The things you already have will help you achieve the things you want to get during the next twelve months.

So this year, I’m going to focus on seven ideas to help you get the things you want in 2012: innovate, grow, create, succeed, collaborate, serve and shift. You’ve heard these words before. But I believe that now is the time to put those ideas into action in your personal, professional and financial lives. Here’s how:

Innovate

Find new ways to make money and save the money you already have. Tweak the “establishment” to cater to your priorities and your priorities- alone. We’re all beautifully weird, so you should focus on an individual approach to achieving whatever goals you set for this year. It’s okay; you can be different and still find success. Remember: let your freak flag fly!

Grow

Grow your business, your salary or your investments. Find opportunities in today’s environment and multiply your return on them. Look in places you never thought to look – be contrarian. Allow opportunities to pan out and just go where they take you. You’ll experience the most growth both personally and professionally by jumping on the wave and letting it ride.

Create

Create solutions to the problems that you just can’t seem to figure out. If the road looks like a dead end, create your own path to the goal. Don’t be afraid to search for creative solutions to the problems you face.

Succeed

Be your own success story. Every single step you take is one in the right direction. Don’t undermine what you’ve done because you haven’t made it to the end goal just yet. Give it time; each day is another paragraph in your own testimonial.

Collaborate

Join a team that’s going towards the goals that you are working toward. If you can’t find one, then build it yourself. Collaboration will help you grow, aide in your creativity and be helpful in your long-term success. Don’t be afraid to bounce ideas off of other people.

Serve

As you find success, remember to give back. Serving humanity can be volunteering at a homeless shelter, walking dogs at the humane society, becoming a mentor or donating money to charity. It can also mean sharing your success story with others or encouraging your friends to follow their hearts.

Shift

Move up the ladder. Increase your awareness. Listen to your instincts. Follow your gut. Shifting means more than just changing your mindset; it’s moving to higher vibrations. As you get in touch with what’s in your heart space, that shift will become easier.

My promise to you

This year, I resolve to give you creative solutions to your financial issues. I resolve to grow with you in your quest to a higher vibration. I’ll encourage collaboration among everyone reading this blog, and I’ll share success stories both here and on social media. We can serve humanity together by sharing our success with those around us, and not letting the setbacks discourage us.

In 2012, I want you to focus on these seven things. And we’ll tackle them together one at a time. Make this year the one that you act – consistently and deliberately – on the things that you truly desire.

People do everything they can to change their surroundings, banking on the idea that different scenery will make them different people. A quick consultation with a go-to feng shui expert and a brand-new wardrobe later, people truly believe that they have changed because they filled their lives with new stuff. After all, “the clothes make the man”…right?

This urge to change is rarely a spur-of-the-moment decision; it happens over a period of time after a series of experiences that force us to re-evaluate our lives and ourselves. Eventually, we want to change because we think this change will make us a better person. Or it will protect us from getting hurt. Or from coming off a certain way. We feel the need change because something’s going on internally that isn’t fulfilling us.

When those unpleasant feelings turn into persistent urges, why do we go for the outside more than the inside? We change externally hoping that it makes a difference for us internally. We’re banking our internal happiness or our security or our safety on external things.

See the problem here?

As we’re all very aware, December is a month of great reflection; and for many of us it’s a primer for great change in the form of a New Years’ resolutions. And they overwhelm us! Advertisers jump on the resolution train offering big discounts to those looking to lose weight, hit the gym, save more money, or get a new look.

And a lot of us get in on the action. We set big goals and we drop serious cash (for the sake of personal development) to position ourselves to achieve them. Then we work really hard at them for a few weeks or months. Eventually, though, we become discouraged at the progress we’ve made, and then we move on to other things. And we leave those big New Years’ resolutions in the rearview mirror.

I talk a lot about you figuring out what’s in your heart space and getting to know your true authentic self. As a financial planner, I of course want you to save money and live a life that’s within your means financially. As an author, I want you to understand why you spend the way you do. Once you figure that out, I want to help you rewire your thinking, get rid of those bad habits, and live the life of your dreams. And as a human being that has walked both of those paths, I can tell you that’s it’s possible to have the life you want. But it must start with internal change.

True, long-term change doesn’t happen when you buy an ab machine off of an infomercial to lose weight. It won’t happen when you fill your closet with new clothes. And it won’t be in the new apartment or new city you move to in search of it. Real change happens when you look within.

In 2012, focus on making yourself better from the inside, out. Seek out the most positive and supportive people you can. Surround yourself with people who radiate happiness. And find people that are truly successful – both personally and professionally – and don’t be afraid to ask them for advice. The more positive action steps you take this year, the better of a place you will find yourself in both now and for each New Year to come.

Almost instantly, our holiday cheer turns to anxiety. Think about it: when you get stressed during your holiday shopping trips, you act a certain way. Little things may begin to annoy you, like slow walkers or babies crying. Then you get agitated, and not being able to find a gift goes from an afterthought to a frustrating moment.

And then, you begin to make bad decisions with your money. You buy whatever you can find just so you can “get the shopping over with.” You want to hurry up and get out of the store, so you spend twice as much than you intend; you can just pay it off after New Years’, right? Eventually, though, your not-so-cheery holiday shopping spree will catch up with you, and you’re left to wonder how you let the stress of the season get you in a financial mess.

Instead of beating yourself up about how your holiday shopping went awry, take a moment and consider why you reacted the way you did to the outside stress. Ideally, we roll with the ups and downs life throws at us and we don’t allow the constant curve balls to throw us off our marks. Unfortunately, many of us fall short of that and we find ourselves in an unfavorable situation. In this case, a big bill from Santa.

A good course of action to take this next week is self-examination. When you get a free moment, go somewhere quiet and find your most non-judgmental place of honesty. Then, ask yourself this:

What feelings do you associate with money?

Confidence or anxiety? Happiness or anger? Peace or frustration? Powerlessness or freedom?

You may not realize it, but you do associate very specific feelings with your finances. Just the thought of that word “money” invokes certain reactions, and some of them are stronger than others. This time of year really brings out your core beliefs.  We all spend seemingly countless hours in stores trying to find the perfect gift, and the stress of the season usually reveals our true feelings about our relationship with money.

Any and everything you feel about what you think of your finances is a valid emotion, so don’t judge yourself. The relationship you have with your money is complicated, and our goal this week is to begin the journey of simplifying it. This is an exploration process, and I want you to get to the core of where these feelings are coming from.

They key word here is “feelings” and not “reactions.” Your feelings are your core beliefs, and your reactions are the ways those core beliefs externalize themselves. This week get to the root of why you respond the way you do to stressful money situations. Then next week, we’ll use what you uncovered this week focus on healing relationship with money.

You wrote down three things you tell yourself that undermine the success you have right now, and then you wrote down three counterstatements that reinforced the positive actions you’re taking in your life.

Hopefully, you gained some insight into the way you think about yourself and your accomplishments. This week, I want you to continue on that momentum of reworking your thought patterns of success by doing two things: visualizing and positioning.

Visualize your ideal life

We all have our idea of success; many successes are ones we can celebrate right away (being a parent, building a career, going to the gym, etc.) while others are ones we need to work towards each day. Instead  choose to shift those dreams into your reality. Take the word “dream” out of the equation for a moment and think about what your ideal life would look like. Maybe your financial goals are at the center of your professional pursuits right now, and owning a home is the pinnacle of that. So what does a day in your life look like when you are working towards owning your home and setting yourself up for an abundant financial future?  Remember: Bite size pieces.

Instead of “dreaming” about the things you want, start visualizing what your life would look like if you already had them. Think about the things you need to do each day to maintain your dream – your ideal. Once you’ve established how your life would look if you were living your dream, you should then begin to position yourself.

Position yourself for your desired  future

Many of us associate dreams with things that are unattainable which is why I want you to start thinking in terms of reachable goals. And to attain those goals – your ideal life – you need to position yourself mentally, physically, verbally and emotionally. What does that entail? A part of it is something we discussed last week about you not undermining the success you’ve already created. This stems in being good to you. Remember: Self love.

Empowering yourself gets you further than belittling yourself; instead of saying you can’t have your big dream, design a plan with attainable steps that allow you to move closer to it each day. If your goal is to own that “dream home”, you know you need a down payment. Instead of viewing it as $50,000 you don’t have, consider it $300 a month you do have to put towards that big number.

You are exactly where you are at- embrace it

And that’s the takeaway in all of this. You have all the tools you need to get to the places you want to go. It’s just a matter of devoting your time and energy to what you have right now, and letting go of what you don’t have just yet.

Success is truly a journey, not a destination; it takes work to both achieve the things you aspire to have and to maintain them once they’re a part of your ideal life. As difficult as it is to remember sometimes, always keep in mind that the things you want in life are attainable. Most of the things you dream about are just a series of steps – of mini destinations – away. Choose it!

That certain thing that makes you feel like a great success can also make you feel incredibly unsuccessful. And I think this happens when we put caveats on our success. We will be successful when something happens that isn’t happening now.

“I’ll be a successful at my job when I get the next promotion…”

“I’ll have a successful home life when I buy my next house in a better area…”

“My parenting will be a true success when my kid gets the lead in the school play…”

Any of these sound familiar? So many of us lose sight of the lives are living and the successes we are achieving at that very moment because we’re too busy chasing after the next success. And this is the same mentality we have with money.

“I’m not really a successful investor until I’ve made X amount.”

Sometimes, our negativity about the situation is more subtle. But still there.

“I just started saving, so hopefully a year from now I’ll have the amount I want in the bank.”

Translation: I’m not a good enough until something more happens.

Do you tell yourself variations of these statements? These negative reinforcements about the positive steps we’re taking in our successful lives undermine our hard work. Instead of celebrating what we’re creating – and consistently creating positive change in our lives does makes us successful – we disregard where we’re at in hopes of being better.

Striving for more is an excellent trait. Disregarding our current success as “not good enough” because we’re not where we want to be isn’t. It’s time to reevaluate our idea of what success really looks like in our lives. Instead of viewing success as a far-away process, look at it as a right-now goal. Choose to empower yourself instead of undermining your progress.

Choosing to be successful right now is empowering. Celebrating your current successes while pursuing future ones is empowering. Cheering on others as they walk in their success journeys is empowering.

So, what’s your definition of success?

Think about the things in your life that would make you feel successful right now and the things that think will make you more success in the future. Then write down three things you tell yourself that undermine the success you have right now.

When you’re ready, write down three counter statements that reinforce the positive actions you’re taking in your life. Remember, success is an everyday process. Celebrating each positive thing you’re doing in your life is a success in and of itself.

What is your financial dark side?

It’s different for everyone, but there is one common thread: how it makes us feel about money and ourselves. Your financial dark side’s job is to fly in the face of compassion and open-mindedness. It is based in fear and distorts truths.

In short, your financial dark side is the source of all unhealthy financial behavior.

 Many of us have certain beliefs about money, and, for the most part, those beliefs aren’t true. How often do you tell yourself that more money will buy you love? Or do you think that a higher salary will buy you freedom? Maybe you think that money validates you; it defines your success or failure.

Money makes you happy.

These are all the result of your financial dark side. Are any of those statements based in proven truths? No. Yet we continue to invest so much into our finances (and the decisions we make about them), that we’ve convinced ourselves otherwise.

What does your financial dark side look like? Only you can answer that because we all deal with our money fears in our own ways. Just know that negative feelings and thoughts lead to counteractive actions. And your financial dark side leads to poor money decisions coming from a place of anxiety – when was the last time a reactive choice made any true financial gains in your life?

Figuring out how your financial dark side manifests itself into your everyday life is the first step in changing your financial behavior in a positive way. Committing yourself to inner transformation is the only way to build true, long-term outer wealth. Starting with the negative things you tell yourself about money – your financial dark side – will get you on course for that transformational change.

This week, commit yourself to cracking your financial dark side wide open. Delve into your beliefs about your finances and money in general. Maybe you truly believe money will bring you happiness, or you think it’s the root of all evil. Whatever it is, face those beliefs with openness and honesty. When you tackle your financial dark side and the negative feelings it feeds off of, you can take the next steps towards real wealth.

Tags: financial dark side, personal finance advice, personal finance problems, financial transformation, wealth building, Julie Murphy Casserly, personal finance advice, personal finance expert, transformational change

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear that word? For many, it’s naming the many things they feel guilty about in their lives. Maybe not spending enough time with the family, or moving away from ailing parents to further a career. Or it could be something as simple as not smiling at the doorman at your office building.

What makes you feel guilty?

We are taught to judge ourselves, and usually that judgment is a negative one. Growing up, we watched our friends – and then commiserated with them – about what was wrong with the way we looked. And we had front-row seats to the things our parents were dealing with when they were raising us, whether it was a rough financial situation or body image issues. For as long as we can remember, we’ve stared judgment and guilt in the face and have become accustomed to the negative feelings associated with them.

So now as adults, after we’ve spent a lifetime witnessing self-inflicted harsh criticisms and judgment, we turn to guilt as a way to deal with the things that give us the most anxiety.

Maybe you struggle with your weight, so you assign foods as “good” or “bad” and vow to never eat the “bad” foods again. You may break down and indulge in one of those foods because you want to eat it, but then you are consumed with guilt almost immediately after it’s gone. You associate something that makes you happy – a favorite food – with an almost entirely negative emotion – guilt.

Sound familiar? Well, this same course of restriction, indulgence and guilt happens in our relationship with money. We vow to save every available penny for a set amount of time. But then a night out with friends turns into a blown savings plan, and an enormous amount of guilt. And we experience guilt in these kinds of situations because we judge ourselves.

It’s incredible how closely intertwined our thought processes are when it comes to food and money. Many of us have big goals in both of these aspects of our lives. We set the bar impossibly high, which inevitably leads to not achieving the kind of success we set out for. And we were trained to punish ourselves through rough criticisms of our shortcomings, and that road always leads to guilt.

What do you do when you feel guilty? Do you continue to scold yourself for not being the perfect person you set out to be? Do you give it strength by spending more money on things you don’t need, further blowing your budget and disregarding your savings plan? Do you wallow in it with inaction?

More often than not, guilt is a useless emotion. It breeds negativity, encourages complacency and holds you back from your goals – financial or otherwise. The next time you feel guilty about something you bought, take a step back and ask yourself why you feel that way. Then remind yourself that feeling guilty isn’t going to help you make a positive choice next time around.

This week, work on not judging yourself so harshly. If you slip up on the diet plan, it’s okay because you always have the next opportunity to eat healthier. The same goes with your finances. We won’t always be perfect with our money, especially when we’re just starting out with saving or investing. Going a little bit easier on yourself means more positive energy and less guilt.

Tags: guilty spending, guilt when spending, holiday spending, feeling guilty about money, emotion and money, guilt and money,  money and psychology, Julie Murphy Casserly, Emotion Behind Money, Chicago personal finance, Chicago financial planner, Chicago personal finance author, Chicago personal finance speaker