Debt is a way of life.

Many of my clients are pulled both ways. They’re taking care of both their aging parents and their soon-to-be college-aged children. And let’s not forget about their debt; mortgages, car notes, student loans of their own and credit cards are part of their monthly expenses.

Does this ring true in your life?

This week, I want to talk about boundaries. All of us have a lot on our plates, you included. We’ve got kids growing up seemingly at the speed of light. Our parents are getting older, sicker and needier. Work obligations. Friendships to maintain. Church commitments.

Maybe a part of the reason why we’re drowning in debt is because we have trouble setting boundaries.

Picture this. You have a few low-interest credit cards you pay off at the end of every month. You spent a few years working on paying down your student loans, and now you pay a little over the monthly minimum to finish it off. Your mortgage is reasonable, your car is paid off and you have enough disposable income left over to live comfortably.

Now think about you. Is this what your financial life looks like? Is this what you want it to look like? Consider setting some boundaries. Start saying “No” to things that don’t fit into your ideal financial life. Spend a few hours deciding what you want your ideal financial life to look like, then spend the next six months to a year living that ideal.

It’s time to place a premium on yourself. Remember your worth; the people who truly care about you will understand if you turn things down for a few months. Saying “no” to things for a few months is a good reset not just financially, but personally as well. Discover what you truly desire, what your ideal really is. Setting boundaries is an important choice during this phase of your life for you, your life and your debt.

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Often times in our quest to create a life that we desire, we somehow find ourselves on a path that looks a lot like the one someone else would have for us. Joining the family business is important to dad, so we go to law school. Mom was married with two kids by 30, and she doesn’t let us forget it. And our friends all have their first homes under their belt and we couldn’t imagine being left behind.

Our desires sometimes get buried by the opinions and even actions of others. In some cases, having money makes it harder to create our ideal lives. Joining the family business or marrying an approved partner overrides everything, especially if your idea doesn’t align with the popular opinion.

If you’re reading this blog, it’s safe to assume that you are tired of settling for the financial status quo in your life. You’ve spend time feeling lost, empty and confused; you have money and money creates opportunities, but you are still uncertain on how to use your money to live the life you want. Or maybe, you’re not sure what exactly that “ideal life” even looks like, let alone how to get there.

As you know very well, it’s not about the money you have. It’s about what you do with it. The best investments in life you will ever make are the ones in yourself: your happiness, your health and your passions. So where exactly should you start making investments? Here are a few fun ideas and exercises to get you started.

Think outside the box
The luxury of having money is that it affords you a little creativity. You don’t absolutely have to do any job that doesn’t appeal to you just to make ends meet. Start looking around your current life and asking open-ended questions about everyday things. Push yourself to be as innovative as possible. Thinking outside “the box” stimulates personal and professional growth.

Take a class
Not something your mom says you should. Or something that you go to just because you’re friends are going. Taking a watercolor painting class or volunteering at the local YMCA probably won’t directly lead you to a specific career. However, tapping into your creative side opens your mind to different possibilities and even open up avenues not available to you before.

Do some soul searching
What was your favorite childhood activity (aside from eating ice cream and catching fireflies!)? Go through old photo albums and check out scrapbooks you made when you were younger. Go through all the different activities you were involved in and write them down on a piece of paper. Then, use some innovative thinking to figure out how to recreate those past loves as an adult. So what are you passionate about?

Be grateful
When we are having feelings of inadequacy in one area of our life, we may begin to view other things from a negative lens. When this happens, force yourself to look at the good people and things in your life with eternal gratefulness. Focus on a different type of abundance; look for things in life that fill you with happiness and instill peace. Being genuinely grateful for the mass abundance you already posses opens the door for more abundance to flood every area of your life.

Having money doesn’t automatically assume happiness. You earned the money you have through hard work, sacrifice and dedication. Now, take the time to do the same thing in your personal life. Cultivate creativity in every way you can, don’t shy away from trying new things and be grateful even when you’re don’t feel it. Creating the life you desire is absolutely possible; you simply have to choose it.

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Grocery stores fill the checkout lines with magazines, candies and small gadgets (just in case we “forgot” something). Gas stations are small-scale drug stores. Even our cell phones offer us opportunities to do some serious damage to our bank accounts without even leaving our beds!

The advertising industry will make you believe that you need something. Often when we are spending on things we don’t actually need, we gauge our want on our emotional state. When was the last time you justified an expensive (and out of your budget) purchase with a “I had a rough day and I deserve it” excuse?

If you have a closet full of clothes with the tags still on them (or a ton of fun tech toys that you barely use), you fall into the accumulator category. Often, accumulators of stuff are trying to cope with other issues in their lives by spending. More specifically, they spend excessively to deal with their inner pain and discomfort.

Most unhealthy behaviors are the result of emotional conflict or unrest within the individual. Don’t let capitalism override your sensibilities. Accumulating a lot of stuff may bring you a feeling of comfort in the moment of spending. It may even make you happy to see the things in your home; possessing a lot of stuff can have the affect of making you feel valuable and important. But remember that the root of this issue isn’t positive; it’s detrimental to both your bank account and your emotional stability.

You are more valuable than the dollar amount hanging in your closet. The price of your car has nothing to do with your worth as an individual. Accumulating a lot of stuff may satiate your appetite for a moment, but you’ll be left with the same negative feelings after the rush dies down.

Action step

If you’re struggling with spending, here’s a great exercise to try. At the beginning of your next pay period, get $100 in cash out of your bank account and keep it in your wallet. Don’t spend it. Examine the wave of emotions that come over you throughout the week in relation to that money.

This is a good exercise in uncovering money emotions you may be unaware of you. Will you end up spending the money? Probably. We all succumb to money stress sometimes, especially those of us who have a habit of spending. But keep doing this every pay period. Eventually, the urge to spend that money will subside.

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With the markets being up lately, it’s easy to feel like you don’t have to stick to the intentions and goals you’ve made for yourself. Continue to live by these intentions and stay on track. Doing so will allow you to live the live you desire.

Julie Murphy Casserly (CLU, ChFC, CFP®) is a 17-year veteran of the financial services industry and has often been referred to as a financial healer.  She is turning the personal finance industry upside down by de-bunking standard financial planning processes and educating people about a new way of finding financial success.

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We all have dreams for our lives. As children, we dreamt of what we would be doing as an adult. As we got older, our dreams evolved along with our realities. How have your dreams changed in the past year, two years or five years? Or more importantly, how have you handled those dreams.

I don’t believe desires are placed on our minds and hearts for no reason. The things that aren’t meant for us to be doing always have a way of sticking around in our lives in some shape or form, even if it’s just a thought that keeps creeping back into our minds. But instead of entertaining the desire as just “a useless dream,” we deem it unattainable and put in the pile of “if my life was different, I’d be able to do that.” But, it’s not…

How would your life be different without the ifs?

Take a moment and think about all the things you would do, if. You’d leave a job you disliked if you had more in savings. You’d go to the gym and lose those 10 pounds if you had more time. You’d move on from a toxic relationship if you had the courage. Well, you do. You have everything you need to get exactly what you desire – your dreams – at your disposal.

More often than not in life, there will be more reasons to not doing something than there are to do it. But if you keep making excuses as to why you can’t create the life you want, you’ll never see that there are wonderful and compelling reasons why you should just go out there and make it happen.

Action step:
Dream with a purpose; instead of thinking about what your life would be like if, take action on those desires! This week, take a baby step towards capturing those dreams. The actions will come with time, but I want you to first change your mind. Rewrite those negative scripts running through your head about what is and is not possible. Remove the hypothetical. Don’t be if; be in, be out, be real, but don’t be if. Speaking in the affirmative opens your life to great things. Changing your words and your mind creates the space for the life of your dreams.

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Sound familiar?

These types of conversations are pretty popular in the media these days; even some social conversations that turn to money end up being of the “I worked X hours this week” variety. The more comfortable our society has gotten with debt, the easier it’s been for people to find a reason to get into a lot of it. Students are coming out of college with six figures worth of debt and a mid-five figure income — if they’re lucky. Yet it’s okay because “everyone has it.” If this is true, then why do so many of us have this burden of debt on our shoulders?

I’ve talked a lot about the crabs in your bucket; crabs are the people or things that pull you back down when you’ve made progress towards a goal. Often times, this is can be debt. When you allow things – or people – to be a crab in your life, you are giving away your personal power. Every time you’ve said you couldn’t do something because of your debt (weekend getaway? new dress? get married or have kids?), you gave your debt more credit than it deserves.

Don’t make debt the major deciding factor in how you want to live your life. Will your debt make some things more difficult to accomplish right now? Of course, but it doesn’t mean you can’t start chipping away at what’s truly important to you. Taking small steps towards big goals is a great way to both pay down debt and live a life you’re proud of. Start making choices that vibe more with your authentic life, and let go of the thinking that things can’t be done because of debt.

Your life doesn’t have to be run by the money that you owe. Creating a life that you love shouldn’t be defined by the one you fell into in the past. Look for small ways to make big changes in your life right now regardless of money. That could be anything from making better choices with food; changing jobs for more income and better quality of life; or picking up new hobbies and expanding your social circle.

Nothing is set in stone; your life will be dictated by your debt for as long as you allow it. This is your life, not your debt’s life. Choose to change right now in the small ways that you can, and the money situation – as well as the debt – will work itself out.

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Learn what feeds your soul and learn how to get paid for it. People who have careers in alignment with their soul’s purpose are earning large salaries and getting bonuses despite the economy. It’s time for you to live according to your authentic-self – find something you are good at and do it better than anyone else!

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Having money doesn’t mean you are truly wealthy, and none know that better than those who have a few dollars in the bank. It’s much more difficult to talk about what’s troubling you when people consider your life to be effortless. On the surface, your life seems great – even easy - to those around you. They write off your opinions as that of a person with little life experience and your setbacks as those of one who “has it made.” Nothing is more frustrating when the people you consider friends view your life as simple in a negative way.

But what about you? How do you feel about where you are in your life right now? No matter what material success you can claim in this world, no one’s life is easy. That includes yours. Creating wealth requires a lot of sacrifice, determination and vision. That’s why there are tons of finance books out there dedicated to making your first million or getting rich in 30 days. Maintaining and growing wealth, however, are tasks just as difficult and time intensive. You don’t just move onto Easy Street when you have X amount of dollars in the bank; we still must invest time into our emotional growth and satisfaction.

Action step

Be rich in what you value, not what society values. Like I said before, having money and being wealthy don’t always go hand in hand. What do you love? What makes you laugh with childlike enthusiasm? What excites you?

This week, spend time exploring hobbies, interests and other activities that you truly enjoy. Delve into your free time with the same focus that you do in business. Take seriously those hobbies that you squeeze in between business meetings and must-do tasks. Money doesn’t equal happiness, but having money puts you in a unique position to create something better for yourself immediately. Delve into your enthusiasm – your happy place – and create a life that’s both rich and wealthy.

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“The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself.” ~ Deepak Chopra

I talk a lot about making the choice to create the life you truly desire; you must tap into your authentic self in order to live with the purpose and passion designed specifically for you. Facing your current reality to create the new one you want, however, is much harder than advertised.

We start out with the best intentions. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a space of needing to start over. We want to create a new, better life for ourselves. We know that in order to do that, we must change the surroundings to the best of our abilities. So we go out and buy things that will help us get in a good mindset, but we don’t eliminate the things keeping us hostage in our old ones. So our collection of things – whether it’s material stuff, hobbies or people – grows much faster than it dwindles.

We accumulate relationships that may not be the best for us because we don’t want to be lonely. Our closet is full of clothes that still have the tags on them. We are constantly searching for space because we are surrounded with clutter.

Let’s be honest. Very few items you purchase are going to fill whatever void you’re trying to fill. Collecting a lot of stuff creates a false sense of happiness and security. Let go of everything in your life that doesn’t serve your best interest. To put it another way, focus on creating the space you need to cultivate only the most positive, supportive and productive environment imaginable.

Action step

If you feel like you’re an accumulator, take time these next few weeks to work on emotionally and physically letting go. What’s weighing you down? Who are the crabs in your bucket? What stuff can you get rid of for a more streamlined and focused life? Answers those questions, and act accordingly. A passionate, purposeful life begins with releasing what’s not necessary and cultivating the things that are.

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